Despite myself

My stethoscope has arrived, hurrah! Although it was sent to my parent's address, so I don't actually get to play with my new toy for a couple of weeks yet. I've also gotten started on my vaccinations, and bought my lab coat the other day, so I finally feel as though I'm becoming prepared. I'll get a new pair of glasses sorted out over the next couple of days, and may even go stationery shopping soon...

My parents decided on the weekend to undergo a trial separation. Mum told me yesterday. I also talked to my dad last night, but he has no idea that I know anything about the problems they've been having, and acts as thought everything is FANTASTIC every time we talk. I dearly love both of my parents, but sometimes I get so angry that they are so emotionally retarded.

Things with MBF are completely fantastic every time we're together, but not so much when we are apart and I have time to think about how ridiculous and undefined it all is, and how this is probably going to hurt a lot in the long run. Being the overanalytical person that I am, I wonder sometimes if the way he feels about us now is how he felt about his ex when they first started going out. And, having seen how neglectful he was of her during our friendship, whether he was really love with her. And this then leads to me questioning whether I was ever really in love with my exes. The answer is most definitely yes. At the time, I was head over heels in each of them. At the time, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. In retrospect, I wonder how on earth it could have happened, but that doesn't change the fact that it did. This only leads me to feeling quite cynical about the whole love thing. If I can be so happy with someone, and a few short months later no longer want them in my life, then what's the point of all the emotional turmoil anyway? The interesting thing is that, as cynical as I may be, it doesn't stop me falling for someone all over again. It's funny how you can be so aware of the futility of a thing, and yet you do it anyway.