Beach Times

I had my first (and potentially, but hopefully not, last) beach day of summer yesterday! The weather was crap so we were only there for a couple of hours as opposed to a whole day, there was a fair proportion of dumpy waves, and for a while there was quite a strong rip, but that doesn't destroy the allure of BEACH!!! Can't have summer in the capital of the Sunshine State and not have a beach day. MBF and I went, and it was so satisfyingly relaxing.

I am no longer in mental, freak-out, commitmentphobic mode. Sure, we also still haven't had a conversation about what's going on, but I'm getting some time to myself tonight, which seems to have been enough to help me chill out about it all. I think yesterday was lowkey enough to have been pretty helpful, too. Plus, I do just genuinely enjoy the time that we spend together - the concept of potentially destroying it by deciding we need to have some kind of seriously awkward conversation is not particularly attractive!

One week from now, I'll have had my first day of uni for my new degree. What an utterly bizarre concept.... For the moment, I'm trying to organise time with friends before the craziness begins.

Not Quite What I Expected

I met MBF's mother today (well, technically yesterday, considering it's early morning). It was quite random and unplanned, and, of course, mildly awkward. At least only mildly, though.

How utterly bizarre. How quickly it seems that this has become some kind of real relationship. As a drunken MBF currently lies in my bed, snoring his head off, I'm not entirely sure this is what I want at all. If somehow we're at the 'meet-the-parents' stage, surely we should be defining something? It's definitely time to address whatever the hell it is that's going on. Hopefully I'll have the guts to bring it up tomorrow. It has been a weird day.

False Expectations

I really thought 2008 would be a better year. How foolish and naive was I.

Despite myself

My stethoscope has arrived, hurrah! Although it was sent to my parent's address, so I don't actually get to play with my new toy for a couple of weeks yet. I've also gotten started on my vaccinations, and bought my lab coat the other day, so I finally feel as though I'm becoming prepared. I'll get a new pair of glasses sorted out over the next couple of days, and may even go stationery shopping soon...

My parents decided on the weekend to undergo a trial separation. Mum told me yesterday. I also talked to my dad last night, but he has no idea that I know anything about the problems they've been having, and acts as thought everything is FANTASTIC every time we talk. I dearly love both of my parents, but sometimes I get so angry that they are so emotionally retarded.

Things with MBF are completely fantastic every time we're together, but not so much when we are apart and I have time to think about how ridiculous and undefined it all is, and how this is probably going to hurt a lot in the long run. Being the overanalytical person that I am, I wonder sometimes if the way he feels about us now is how he felt about his ex when they first started going out. And, having seen how neglectful he was of her during our friendship, whether he was really love with her. And this then leads to me questioning whether I was ever really in love with my exes. The answer is most definitely yes. At the time, I was head over heels in each of them. At the time, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. In retrospect, I wonder how on earth it could have happened, but that doesn't change the fact that it did. This only leads me to feeling quite cynical about the whole love thing. If I can be so happy with someone, and a few short months later no longer want them in my life, then what's the point of all the emotional turmoil anyway? The interesting thing is that, as cynical as I may be, it doesn't stop me falling for someone all over again. It's funny how you can be so aware of the futility of a thing, and yet you do it anyway.

Happy New Year!

Okay, so I'm a few days late with the new year's greeting, but in my defense, I was away in the country, camping in the giant mudslide that was the Woodford Folk Festival, and only very recently returned to the land of cyberspace.

I'm quite unreasonably excited about 2008. I'm not usually a big New Year's person, but this year the change of year seems to come at a time of my life that is full of other changes as well - a real period of change and renewal. End of one job and possibly the beginning of another, end of one degree and the beginning of another, end of one relationship and the beginning of another... Thank goodness my friends are constant! For a little while, it looked like I also might be moving house, but thankfully I don't have to go through that malady for at least another six months. With 2008 being still fresh, young and new, I have a lot of faith that this is going to be an incredible year, and that in twelve months I'll be look back and be totally happy with how it has gone.

Woodford was AMAZING. Totally the best week of recent memory. Although that probably had a lot to do with MBF. I don't know quite how it happened, but wow. And I don't know if we are together or what, but for the moment I love whatever it is that we are. We're both really happy, and I love that I can just enjoy where we are at.

But aside from MBF, the festival was just so much fun! So much music, and food, and being perpetually surrounded by friends, and dancing til the wee hours in calf-deep mud... *sigh* What more could a girl ask for?

Aaagh, only two weeks and two days til med starts! And I'm still not really organised! I've got a doctor's appointment on Monday to sort out vaccinations, and need to buy new glasses, and work my way through a whole list of other things to get done. Whilst I'm definitely excited about starting, I also have to confess I'm dreading the end of holidays - the end of a wage which means I have cash to play with, the end of lots of time to spend with friends, the end of coming home and relaxing in the evenings without having to study to do. There are times where I become paranoid that I will have no friends and will be completely miserable. I can recognise that these thoughts are ridiculous, but the fact that I'm having ridiculous thoughts doesn't really make me feel any better about myself! I'm sure it will all be fine, but I'm resolved to making the most of these last two weeks of freedom regardless.