A Pleasant Surprise

Despite my initial trepidation, this week on orthopaedics has been a fantastic learning experience. Yes, I'm still completely convinced that I couldn't stand being an orthopaedic surgeon, but it has been great being in a department here the doctors are eager to teach. There have been lots of interesting cases for me to see, as well.

On Wednesday I saw a child with a classic median nerve palsy following a proximal radial fracture. It's fascinating for me to see things that we've learnt about, and examining for the signs that we all read about in the textbooks. The child was displaying the Benedictine sign, and had loss of flexion of his thumb and lateral two fingers, as well as loss of sensation over his lateral two fingers and the lateral half of the ring finger.

I also had the chance of examining a newborn with dislocatable hips. Two weeks ago, on paediatrics, I'd been taught how to do neonate health checks, and one of the routine things we check is the baby's hips, so it was interesting to feel it, and learn about the management. If they're caught as a neonate, management is pretty simple - 8 weeks in a von Rosen splint, which keeps their legs in a flexed, abducted and externally rotated position, enables the acetabulum to develop so that the hip becomes normal. After 8 weeks, they can come out of the splint and be fine!

Yesterday, one of the registrars taught me how to do a proper hand examination, with the patient being an elderly person with severe rheumatoid arthritis. It's so much easier to learn the signs when there's a patient in front of you who actually has them!

The other great thing about the week has been the practice reading x-rays, CTs and MRIs (although there were only a couple of MRIs, as they're not done nearly as often, being much more expensive), and learning to describe fractures properly. Whilst I'm not going to go into orthopaedics, I'm sure this is still an essential skill.

Scrub, Scrub, Scrub

I've confirmed that I'm definitely not going to be an orthopaedic surgeon, but I'm still managing to thoroughly enjoy my week in orthopaedics. Funnily enough, the orthopods are the nicest group of doctors I've met in the hospital yet - who'd've thunk it! They are lovely to everyone - nurses, other staff, other doctors, patients, even us mere students - and consistently appear genuinely interested in teaching.

I scrubbed in for the first time yesterday, which was quite an ordeal. The procedure was a total knee replacement, so as well as the standard gown and gloves I also had to put on a visor with a hood to shield myself from the spatter that happens when the surgeons are sawing and drilling - you pretty much end up looking like you're wearing a hazmat suit. When scrubbing in, I felt that I must pretty much be the clumsiest person ever. There's a very particular way of putting on the gown, whereby you have to make sure your hands are still inside the sleeves (so they're not out the cuffs at the end), and then somehow get your gloves on over the cuff and wriggle your hand out into it. Quite tricky! And because I am particularly talented, I managed to get my second layer of gloves on the wrong hands!

The operation was really interesting to watch. One of the surgeons, who is also the director of the department, said that it's pretty much like carpentry, and I certainly saw what he meant. They use so many different tools, and do up lots of jigs to make sure they're getting the angle right.

As well as getting my first experiences in an operating theatre, I'm also getting loads of practice looking at x-rays, CTs and MRIs - which is invaluable to me, considering I'm so bad at interpreting them. It's much more interesting to look at them when it's in a clinical context, and I'm finding that gradually I'm getting better at picking up what isn't quite right about an image. I've certainly still got a long way to go, though!

On another note, I'm missing MBF so much! While I am really enjoying myself here, and learning a lot, I'm also glad to be going home to him soon. We've planned a week away at the beach next month, which we're both really looking forward to. Our apartment has our own private spa, which will be quite a treat, I'm sure!

New Week, New Ward

With a new week started, I'm finished with Paediatrics and off to Medicine. While there was a lot of waiting around on paeds, when we were doing things we had a lot of fun - and learnt a lot, too, of course! I think the highlight of the week was going around the Maternity Ward with the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) resident, doing neonate checks on all the newborns before they could be sent home. One thing's for sure - finding the femoral pulses on a newborn is a LOT harder than on an adult! So now I know how to do a newborn check, as well as what to do if some of the results are not quite normal.

We also looked after baby girl who made the national news, after her father poured petrol over her mother and his two children before setting them alight. Thankfully, all patients are fine, but last report I heard the baby had been sent to another city to be looked after by a specialised burns unit, to ensure her burns healed well and there was no significant scar tissue.

Medicine has been very busy - I'm just shadowing the resident and registrar, but it is quite an effort to keep up! I'm on the endocrinology service for the week, which seems like it will be great as a learning experience, as the patients all have multiple co-morbidities and are complex cases. I hope that doesn't make me sound too cold-hearted, saying that patients with many problems are a good thing - it's just the way medical education is, that we need to take the best opportunities to learn that we can.

It was a draining day. The residents have all just rotated into the department, and the endocrine reg for the next couple of days is doing relief cover, so the three of us were completely unfamiliar with the patients. This meant we spent the entire day rounding on patients. The resident said things should settle down, though, once the regular registrar is back mid-week.

The resident I'm with is eager to teach, which I am grateful for. She's suggested I have a think about what I'd like to learn, and I can give her a list tomorrow and she'll try to make the time to teach me later in the week. I've only got a few things on my list so far, so I guess I'll try to add over the next couple of hours! Although, on second thoughts, what I have got should keep me plenty busy, so a few things for one week are probably enough.

Killing Time

Today was not as interesting a day as yesterday, unfortunately. Well, I probably shouldn't start this entry like that - it began well enough, with rounds, and then a trip down to the ED with the reg on duty to assess a couple of kids that were then admitted. The ED up here is crazy - quite small, but extremely busy, and the noise is incredible after being on the quiet paeds ward. Apparently it was a particularly hectic morning in there. This morning a man had doused his home, wife and two infant children in petrol before setting them alight, and that had created quite a commotion (unsurprisingly).

We were mistaken for fifth years this morning, and pimped rather mercilessly by a registrar before he realised there was a reason we didn't know the answers to his questions! The craziest thing about it, though, was that I actually knew the doctor, as he's dating one of my friends from my undergraduate theatre days. He's quite a wanker, though, and despite meeting MBF and I on several occasions he can never seem to remember either of us. Needless to say, he didn't recognise me this morning. When the other med student attempted to introduce us, he quite rudely cut her off, saying he didn't care what our names were - as far as he was concerned, we were student 1 and student 2. He deigned to learn my name once I'd told him we'd met (and had correctly picked pneumothorax from a neonate's X-ray - easy to pick, I know, but I was still excited to at least get something right!). I hope we don't see him again this week - he's certainly not the kind of doctor I ever aspire to becoming.

For the afternoon we were again relegated to clinic, but it was a bit of a dud afternoon, as all of the patients bar one failed to show up to their appointments. It did mean we got an early mark, though, which is nice considering how early we have to be in tomorrow. Surprisingly enough, doing nothing all afternoon quite wore me out!

Day one of life in a tropical paradise

First day of elective was today - after a brief orientation program (here's your rotations for the four weeks, whirlwind tour of the hospital) we were dropped off at our respective wards. Unfortunately I haven't gotten all the rotations I was expecting/wanting, but I'm ok with that as I'm sure I'll have a great time regardless. I admit to my heart sinking a bit when I saw I'm on Orthopaedics for week 3, but I'm reassuring myself for the time being that I'm sure it'll be fun, it's only a week, and hey, being just a first-year, at least they probably won't expect me to be seriously interested in their specialty.

For this week, I'm on paeds with another girl from my uni. We were relegated to the clinic for the day, which at first sounded like a dud appointment that we only got because the doctor we would normally have been placed with was busy with students from another uni. It turned out to be a great experience, though, and I think even after just one day my eyes have been opened so much to what a paediatrician actually does. For one thing, I never realised how much parenting advice they're expected to give. Being a paediatrician really isn't just about being a doctor; it's about being an educator as well. A lot of the job also seems to revolve around behaviour modification, which was quite interesting.

It was also fascinating just to watch the doctors work. I saw one young boy be diagnosed with ADHD, and it was very interesting to watch the doctor assess him and work through the diagnostic criteria with the mother. Apparently, the boy was a 'textbook case'. There were also sadder things to see, like a pre-teen boy with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. The paediatrician referred him today to get a thorough cardiac workup, for fear his ventricular function was declining.

Our day was meant to finish at four, but there was so much to keep us busy (even though we were just watching and listening!) that we were there til half past five. We're due in at 8 tomorrow morning for patient handover in the Special Care Babies Unit, and then rounds. I know to the seasoned med student/doctor it must seem ridiculous that I'm getting excited about rounds, but I am! It's my first one ever, and I'm just eager to get involved. And who knows what the rest of the day will bring? Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be fascinating.

And I'm Spent

And with the pop of a champagne bottle as we walked out of the final exam, first year was over! Well, the substantial part, anyway. What we have to await us now is the FUN bit - elective! I'm flying up to Cairns on Sunday, to spend four weeks at Cairns Base Hospital. I've been tentatively pencilled in to rotate through Infectious Diseases, Surgery, ED and Obs/Gyn, but we'll see what happens, as there's been no definitive information coming through yet. I'm flexible though - it's not as though I have my heart set on anything in particular, and I'm excited to think that in just a few days I'll be on the wards.

It does feel strange to have finished the year - I know I must have said this a hundred times, but the year has gone by so quickly. While by the end of the year I was totally over PBL, I am sad to see our group breaking up, as I think we worked well together, and I will actually miss everyone. Well, everyone but one member of our class, but I won't get into that.

There's also an odd, paradoxical feeling of having learnt a lot this year, but at the same time not knowing anything. I'm aware that what I do know is a mere drop in the ocean compared to what I will eventually know, and even that will be nothing in the grand scheme of things.

One Step Closer

One morning of exams down, one to go! I was so nervous this morning, I felt like I was going to be sick on the way to uni - hmm, anxiety disorder, anyone? The exam was fine, though. I did totally bomb the first section, as it was on a topic that I didn't really think was important, and so hadn't studie at all. I managed to make up for it in the next section, though, which I thought was fairly easy. The remaining two sections seemed fair enough - the odd random, nasty, ridiculous detail that we'd never covered, but that's bound to happen in exams at our med school.

At least I could walk out of the exam knowing that I passed. Anything beyond that, I will just have to wait and see.

Of course there were grand plans to come home and revise, particularly ethics, in preparation for tomorrow, but I felt such a sense of relief that I'd gotten through today alright that I just couldn't focus on studying! Oh well, I guess at this point, I know what I know, and last-minute cramming isn't really going to change much.

It's very exciting to think that I'm only fourteen hours away from being finished with first year! Counting down to celebration time, 12.10pm tomorrow...

The Cram-A-Tron

There are really only so many things I can fit in my head and, after one and a half weeks of SWOTVAC, I think I'm nearing saturation point. Well, at least there is only one full day left until the exams. We have two mornings of exams, this Tuesday and Wednesday. It's pretty high-stakes, with the two exams combined (it's kind of one exam, really, just over two days) being worth a whopping 75% of our mark for the year. I can't wait for it to be over! Just think, in a few short days I'll be able to procrastinate without feeling guilty!

I think I've put myself under more pressure this semester. Last semester, I was happy just to get through the exam and pass. I did better than I expected, though - which was great, of course, but means that I'm feeling more stressed about this round, as now I know I can achieve a fairly good mark, I don't want to let myself down.

Relevant Irrelevancy

We cram a lot of information into our heads in med school. I think most of us hope that information will be useful for more than regurgitating during exams, but I get the impression that many of us are skeptical about this. There is a pretty-much-constant chorus of, "Do we really need to know that much detail?" reverberating through tute rooms, lecture theatres and labs. I'm the first to admit that I do my fair share of complaining about the amount of seemingly-random facts we're expected to know that it is doubtful will be relevant once we are in clinical practice - and apparently we of the PBL-era have it easy compared to those in courses with a more traditional format. I mean, I find it unlikely that knowing the ins and outs of the molecular mechanisms behind beta-thalassaemia is going to be particularly relevant to your standard GP.

Does that mean that a lot of our first year (or two) of med school is a waste of time? Despite the amount of whinging I do, I don't think so. Yes, I think I will forget a lot of the minute details I've committed to memory throughout the year. But what I won't forget is just how complex those details are, the fact that I did know more than I can remember, and the fact that there is much more to know about each of these topics than I will ever learn. With the whole "I am a god" mentality that is apparently so prevalent in medicine, I think it's important for us to be reminded that we will never know it all. And while we can be told this time and again, nothing really drives the message home like actually having to learn a vast amount of information, to only have this slip from your memory a few months later.

Stab! Stab! Stab!

We had a venepuncture training course at work today. It was quite useful, but we were only practicing on fake arms, and it is quite different to the real thing. I did my first stab on a real person about a week ago, and I was so nervous! I just didn't want to put the needle in there, for fear of hurting her. I think it probably made it worse that it wasn't some random person, but a girl at work who I still have to see every week, and if I'd completely stuffed it up I'd feel bad every time I saw her!

One of the big problems I had with the dummy arms was that the blood running through them was a very pale colour, so it was practically impossible to tell if there had been any flashback, and thereby, see if you were actually in the vein or not.

My first go at taking blood on a real patient will be next week. I'm nervous, but hopefully my nerves won't be so bad that I chicken out altogether and just get one of the other girls to do it! The only way to learn, I'm told, is by doing it, so I better just get stuck in and stab as many veins as I can while I have the opportunity.

Kicking off

We had our first class with our new clinical coach today. I was so nervous - completely unnecessarily of course! I'm just very used to how our coach last semester ran the sessions, and had become comfortable with her expectations. The new coach is lovely, though - and we just so happen to share our first name, so hopefully that means we will get along swimmingly. I think what I liked about her so much is that she's very approachable, and I already feel comfortable asking her questions. None of the intimidation I was so scared of!

Tonight was also the first med revue rehearsal. Being a mere first year, I have just a couple of bit parts and will be singing in the choir, but I'm really looking forward to it. It seems like a great way to meet a bunch of people in different years. It has been so long since I've performed, I'd forgotten how much fun it is! I even got a kick out of doing the audition on Monday night - just getting up in front of people and making a fool out of myself gave me a bit of a rush. Ah, but the theatre life is no longer to be mine.... although I believe that won't stop these brief annual forays into that world!

Sliding Back Into Old Habits

The holidays sure flew by. We're halfway through our first week back already, and I'm still not quite too sure how that happened. It's been a struggle to get back into the rhythm of studying, but I finally managed to crack the books this evening, and feel like I've made at least some progress. It's tough this week, though - we seem to have very few contact hours this week, and yet there seems to be a very large amount of material to cover. Ah, the joys of self-directed learning.

Every semester begins with the same old vows to attend every lecture, pre-read for the labs, summarise notes from the day every night so come the weekend my weekly summary is easy to write... Usually it takes me at least a few weeks to break all of my resolutions, but it only took me a couple of days this time. I skipped lecture this morning, didn't prep for the lab today, and certainly haven't looked at any notes from Monday yet. Oh well, maybe next week will be better?

Done and Dusted

It's time to crack the champagne, as my 'esteemed colleagues' and I have finally made it through our first semester. Whether or not we passed our exam (although I'm quietly confident my friends and I all passed), we can at least rest assured knowing that over the last few months we've figured out how to be med students - although figuring out how to be doctors (what we're all really here for) will probably take a while yet!

The exam itself was not too difficult for the main part, but there were particular sections that were just awful. The main frustration is the huge amount of information that is not tested. I spent oodles of time memorising various drugs, such as antibiotics and diuretics, anti-arrhythmics and oral hypoglycaemics, and many, many more. Pharmacology is certainly not my strong point. Much to my dismay, in the entire exam, there was only a single question on pharmacology, and I didn't know the answer! Thankfully, I can console myself with the fact that it seems no one else knew the answer either, and that the knowledge of drugs that I've crammed into my brain over the last few weeks - assuming it stays in there! - could certainly never be considered useless.

So now we have three blissful weeks without classes before it's back to the daily grind. Of course, there's an assignment to be done in that time - can't go giving med students actual holidays, what would people think? - but I'm choosing to not think about it, at least until tomorrow.

MBF and I are tripping off to Melbourne next weekend, so I will get to have a small adventure over the break. Poor MBF has to slave over essays this week, and I'm caught in the odd quagmire of luxuriating in my newfound free time while feeling dreadfully guilty that he has to work so hard at the moment and can see me doing nothing. I am trying to help as much as I can, proofreading things for him and discussing his essay topics, but I'm not confident I'm actually much help at all. He's always a tremendous help to me, simply by showing an interest in the case of the week, and asking me to explain things to him, that I truly hope I can repay him somewhat by helping him. Regardless of his stress levels this week, though, we'll both be free next weekend, and neither of us can wait!

A milestone (at last)!

Sorry, it has been another long silence! But I have been busy studying for our first 'real' exam (i.e. a written exam that will actually contribute to our mark, as opposed to the pass/fail clinical exams we have already been doing), which I hope is a good enough excuse for a little neglect. The exam is TOMORROW - I'm sure many of my classmates are dreading it, but I'm at the point where I'm so bored of going over the old material, I just can't wait for it to be over! There will be much celebration tomorrow, I'm sure!

It was exciting last week to have our last class of the first semester, even knowing we still had an exam looming. This is the kind of degree that just seems to stretch out in front of you forever, so it's nice to reach our first big milestone, and know that the time will pass ... eventually! Even though I'm sure, when we reach the end, it will feel like the years at uni flew by. People have already been saying how quickly the semester has gone, even though it wasn't that long ago we were all complaining about how looooong the semester was. Hmm, guess that's what relativity is all about, right?

In summary,...

I've started going over my old summaries - partly to do some half-hearted revision, but mostly to just tidy them up a little to make life easier for myself when I get onto hardcore revision in a couple of weeks - only to realise that some of them DON'T EXIST. That's right, they just aren't there. I'd forgotten, but every now and then throughout the semester there was a week when I just couldn't really be bothered summarising it properly. To be honest, it's only within the last few weeks that I've really gotten then hang of doing neat, tidy summaries, all nicely formatted with pretty little diagrams. Of course, it figures that the weeks that I didn't do summaries for are mostly the kind of messy weeks that I didn't particularly enjoy or were full of difficult concepts. Oh well, at least I have some form of notes for everything - it's just a matter of pulling it all together.

If there are any aspiring med students reading this, my one big tip for you when you get in is: SUMMARISE EVERYTHING! And do it as you go. In undergrad, I used to leave my summarising until swotvac, and compiling my summaries was essentially my study. It worked fine for me then, but trust me, if you try to do this in med school, there is no way you will actually get through all of the material to summarise it all. I find what works best for me (and it could be completely different for you - part of the difficulty in med school is figuring out what does work best for you) is to summarise each night - lectures, pracs, whatever it is we did that day, I try to summarise it that night, in particular reference to our week's learning objectives. The learning objectives get sent out by the school at the start of the week, and essentially involve a list of everything we're meant to learn that week. At the weekend, I can go through and see if there are any learning objectives I've missed, and fill in those. Then I try to condense it to what I really need to know, and in an easy-to-read format. I guess the exam will be the time to see whether my method worked.

The Bane of My Existence

It varies from week to week, day to day, moment to moment, but there is always at least one thing we're studying that drives me round the bend - whether it's through level of difficulty, boredom or sheer irrelevance.

In the first few weeks it was our microbiology pracs - a weekly two-hour session where we performed swabs, stains and assays as we were told, with no inkling as to why we were actually performing any of these tasks, or how what we were doing could possibly be clinically relevant.

Then it was our entire respiratory block. I apologise to all thoracic physicians, and I am aware that, no matter what specialty I go into, a vast proportion of my patients are likely to have some form of respiratory dysfunction, but to be completely honest, I find respiratory physiology and pathology SOOO BOOOORRRINNNG. Maybe it's the physics. I'm not sure, but I just can't bring myself to be interested in all that FEV-1, type II respiratory failure, blah blah blah... sorry, where was I? My mind was wandering to something more interesting, like supervising the drying of paint.

The current bane of my existence I actually find quite interesting, but am terrified that I will never actually be able to remember any of it. Oh, pharmacology, why do you tease me so?! With all of your unpronouncable names, and drugs that don't fit into the classes, and similar but not quite the same mechanisms of action! I think my main problem is that pharmacology seems to involve a hell of a lot of rote memorisation, which I find significantly more difficult than learning via the understanding of a process (thank god for physiology and pathology, the two domains that really boost my self-esteem).

Anyway, enough of my whining - I need to go and figure out the difference between clopidogrel and acetyl-salicylic acid...

"Now Say 99..."

We were assessed today on our respiratory examination technique. Big breath of relief (no pun intended) because I passed. I definitely didn't ace it, unfortunately - I practiced so much for this one in the hope of doing better than our GI exam last month, but I don't think I was particularly more fluent this time around. At least it is DONE, though. It is quite frustrating, having these assessments throughout the year, which we have to pass, but not receiving any marks for them. It takes a LOT of time to prepare for the exams, time which we could obviously spend studying for the end-of-semester written exams which do contribute to our mark (95% of our mark for the entire year, in fact). It's quite harsh having practically all of our marks in written exams, when we are actually doing other forms of assessment constantly.

Each one is a relief to pass, as if we fail we have to attent 'remedial' sessions and repeat the exam until we do pass. So far, we have been assessed on two systems, and there have been no remedial sessions for the first system yet. This means that, potentially, students will be having to learn exams for three systems over the next block (if someone has failed both GIT and resp and is re-learning both whilst also learning the cardio exam, our next block). I think this will be quite difficult to manage for people - both students and administrative staff, as cramming extra remedial classes into our already jam-packed schedule will be tough.

Elective Planning

I'm trying to plan my elective placement at the moment, and it's proving to be a bit of a pain. At the end of first year, after our end-of-year exam, we do a four-week placement. It can be practically anywhere we like (within reason - we can't go to Afghanistan, or Baghdad, or the Democratic Republic of the Congo, for example), in any field we like, and often involves a lot of hands-on work. The whole concept is very exciting, and I'm sure it'll be the best part of first year. I'm planning on going to South-East Asia, so that I can visit some family that live in that area afterwards.

It has been proving quite difficult and extremely time-consuming, however, to organise my placement. I originally wanted to go to Cambodia, as I thought it would be fascinating to work in a country which has such an underdeveloped health system, and would give me a opportunity to actually help people. I spent hours researching health organisations and clinics there, trying to find contact details for people who could take me on. Then I wrote countless letters and emails, and, after 6 weeks, I have received only two replies. Both of these replies thanked me for my interest, but stated that their clinics were too small to be able to take students, and existed specifically to train Cambodian doctors.

I've now revised my plans, and am intending to go to Malaysia. There seems to be quite a lot of available information about doing an elective there, unlike for Cambodia, so perhaps it's easier to get a place there. There's also more likelihood that some of the patients will speak English, which might be helpful! So far I've only sent out one email, but I received a tentatively promising response today, which had me heaving a HUGE sigh of relief! Sure, this one organisation may fall through, but I have a list of about ten others in Malaysia to contact yet, and the fact that the one I did contact already responded is a promising sign.

My main whinge is that it's so time-consuming. I'll have to spend a few hours this week writing letters to people about placements, and this is all time that gets taken out of my study time. I need that time to cram as much as I can into this tiny little brain of mine.

Getting Back Into Old Habits

I went for a run today - for the first time since starting med school, hurrah! It felt great to get out there, but man, am I unfit! I'm not too sure what prompted me to go for a run today of all days, but I think there was something to do with it just being such a beautiful day that after classes I desperately wanted to be outside. Hopefully I'll be able to get back into it, rather than living with the paranoia that I can't do anything aside from study and sleep.

Counting Down (Or Not)

The countdown to our first semester exam has begun for many. Personally, I'm trying not to overly stress myself by not commencing an actual countdown, but am just keeping some vague awareness that the exam is looming on the horizon. Strangely enough, people were counting down about a month ago, when it was something like ten weeks until the exam. In my undergraduate degree, if we had ten weeks left until our exam it would have been practically the beginning of the semester. In med, having ten weeks remaining until the exam appears to be a signal that it's time to begin some hard-core exam preparation.

And how has med been going, you may ask? Up until the week that has just passed, I've been loving it. It has all been so interesting, and I've loved learning about how underlying biological processes produce clinical signs. The last week has been tough, though. I'd say it was my first experience of hitting the wall. It has been a long semester so far, and the workload is incessantly demanding. If you are an aspiring med student, be warned: no matter how much you are sure you want a career in medicine at the time being, once you are in med school you WILL question whether all the hard work is worth it. And I'm sure that I will question it many times more before I am done.

The redeeming factor for me was knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way. Several other in my PBL group were at the same point this week, and it was helpful to know that it's normal to go through this. Thankfully, the phase has passed, and I once again feel motivated. Hope this feeling lasts!

Bangkok Bunny

It hasn’t exactly been the best start to the trip. Well, the short flight from Brisbane to Sydney wasn’t so bad, but it certainly went a little downhill from there. Firstly, I better put in a disclaimer to say that things aren’t a total disaster or anything, but I’m tired and lonely so I’m going to have a whinge.

I guess things started to go downhill when they handed out the ice creams on the flight from Sydney to Bangkok. The ice cream was so cold, that the skin on the inside of my mouth stuck to it and got ripped off. Scary thing is, my mouth was so numb that I didn’t even realise until I pulled the ice cream out of my mouth and saw the blood on it. Ewww.

Then I got a massive headache on the descent because of my perpetual sinus troubles. Whenever it happens, I’m reminded of this guy whose eardrum actually popped on a flight because of the pressure build-up. I’m terrified of it happening to me (having been afflicted by a burst eardrum, I know it is pretty much the antithesis of fun), so when the pain starts to come on I sit there chewing like a moron in an attempt to keep my eustacian tubes open.

The next event was by far the worst. My bag has not arrived in Bangkok. AAARGGHHHH!!! They don’t even really know when it will get here, or where it is right now. I remember the last time my bag didn’t make it somewhere with me, I didn’t get it back for a whole week. I’m not even in Bangkok for a whole week, so I sure hope it doesn’t take that long this time. Meanwhile, I didn’t foresee this happening (silly me) so I have no clothes, no toiletries, no other shoes, no handbag to carry around with me. Not even a clean pair of underwear. The only things I packed in my carry-on were things I thought I’d actually need on the plane. So tomorrow morning I have to go shopping for clothes – luckily it was something I was going to do anyway, but I didn’t imagine I’d be shopping for clothes just to make it through the week.

And then, when I got to the hotel, they asked me for a 200USD deposit. I blinked at them, like, are you kidding? Ok, so I can appreciate $200 US is not much to most of your customers, but to me that’s a week’s wages! That was going to be my money to eat and get around Bangkok over the next few days! I think the receptionist realised that I was about to lose it, though (it is 4am in Brisbane, so I’m pretty out of it), and told me it’d be ok. Lucky, otherwise I would have broken down and cried right then and there. After crying in the airport about my baggage. Oh, the frustration and humiliation of it all!

Meanwhile, I’m lonely and I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I want a hug from MBF, but instead I can’t even call him to tell him that I’m miserable and missing him already and want to come home. I always thought I wanted a job where I got to travel a lot, but now that I’m on my first ever business trip, I just want to go home.

On a side note, I did see a hotel on the way from the airport, called the “Convenient Resort”. Hmm, what an attractive name. They sure have interesting pseudonyms for "brothel" here.

Mmm, chocolate eggs

We have the next week off from classes, which is quite a relief. It feels like we've done so much already, and we have a long way to go to get through the year! Although, we're a quarter of the way now - so I guess that means I'm 1/16th of the way towards becoming a doctor :P

The timing of our week off has worked out perfectly for me, as I have a work trip to Bangkok. Aaah, the perks of sucking up to multinational pharmaceutical companies! In all seriousness, I am definitely looking forward to it, as I've never been to Bangkok before - except to sit in their transit lounge for 8 hours on the way to Europe, and somehow I think that's not exactly the best way to experience the city.

Whoa!

Wow, you take the time to blink, and all of a sudden two months have passed! I'm still not entirely sure how that happened, but it has been an action-packed couple of months. The major things that have happened are:

1. I started a new job, conducting clinical trials, which is kind of interesting (when I'm not spending hours trawling through patient files) and actually gives me some useful practice at things like taking blood and dealing with patients.

2. MBF and I established that we're actually together, and it is great! Makes me wonder sometimes how we could have been friends for so many years and not figured out earlier how excellent this would be. Although, I think the decision for us to actually get together was somewhat catalysed by MBF's jealousy about some other guy asking me out...

AND 3. I started med school. Yep, after all of the studying for GAMSAT, stressing out about the interview, and waiting around for an offer, I've finally actually started studying to be a doctor. The first week of uni was full of lots of wanky talks about how the med school I'm at is the best, and the reason we (the students) are there is because we are the best, blah, blah, blah. Yes, seriously, we were told this. There was also lots of use of the word "colleague". If you are aiming to get into med, prepare to hear this word A LOT.

I'm loving it, even if it is crazy-busy. I really enjoy the PBL way of learning - working through the hypotheses for a case is interesting, and I definitely find it most intriguing when we're having trouble figuring out a diagnosis (although that doesn't happen very often, considering it's usually given away in the lectue titles, which we all see when printing out our notes for the week). I'm lucky in that I have a really great PBL group, too - we all get along really well, despite there being massive differences in backgrounds, views and approaches.

We've had a couple of chances to interview patients so far, and these have all been great learning experiences. Today was the first time I'd taken the history of a terminally ill patient, and I found it quite upsetting afterwards. The thing that most bothered me was that he had only been diagnosed a few weeks ago, and he appeared to be in denial about the real seriousness of what was happening. I know this is something I'll have to get used to, but at the same time I'm glad I'm not used to it yet, and that I am feeling something. I'd like to put off becoming an automaton as long as possible...

Beach Times

I had my first (and potentially, but hopefully not, last) beach day of summer yesterday! The weather was crap so we were only there for a couple of hours as opposed to a whole day, there was a fair proportion of dumpy waves, and for a while there was quite a strong rip, but that doesn't destroy the allure of BEACH!!! Can't have summer in the capital of the Sunshine State and not have a beach day. MBF and I went, and it was so satisfyingly relaxing.

I am no longer in mental, freak-out, commitmentphobic mode. Sure, we also still haven't had a conversation about what's going on, but I'm getting some time to myself tonight, which seems to have been enough to help me chill out about it all. I think yesterday was lowkey enough to have been pretty helpful, too. Plus, I do just genuinely enjoy the time that we spend together - the concept of potentially destroying it by deciding we need to have some kind of seriously awkward conversation is not particularly attractive!

One week from now, I'll have had my first day of uni for my new degree. What an utterly bizarre concept.... For the moment, I'm trying to organise time with friends before the craziness begins.

Not Quite What I Expected

I met MBF's mother today (well, technically yesterday, considering it's early morning). It was quite random and unplanned, and, of course, mildly awkward. At least only mildly, though.

How utterly bizarre. How quickly it seems that this has become some kind of real relationship. As a drunken MBF currently lies in my bed, snoring his head off, I'm not entirely sure this is what I want at all. If somehow we're at the 'meet-the-parents' stage, surely we should be defining something? It's definitely time to address whatever the hell it is that's going on. Hopefully I'll have the guts to bring it up tomorrow. It has been a weird day.

False Expectations

I really thought 2008 would be a better year. How foolish and naive was I.

Despite myself

My stethoscope has arrived, hurrah! Although it was sent to my parent's address, so I don't actually get to play with my new toy for a couple of weeks yet. I've also gotten started on my vaccinations, and bought my lab coat the other day, so I finally feel as though I'm becoming prepared. I'll get a new pair of glasses sorted out over the next couple of days, and may even go stationery shopping soon...

My parents decided on the weekend to undergo a trial separation. Mum told me yesterday. I also talked to my dad last night, but he has no idea that I know anything about the problems they've been having, and acts as thought everything is FANTASTIC every time we talk. I dearly love both of my parents, but sometimes I get so angry that they are so emotionally retarded.

Things with MBF are completely fantastic every time we're together, but not so much when we are apart and I have time to think about how ridiculous and undefined it all is, and how this is probably going to hurt a lot in the long run. Being the overanalytical person that I am, I wonder sometimes if the way he feels about us now is how he felt about his ex when they first started going out. And, having seen how neglectful he was of her during our friendship, whether he was really love with her. And this then leads to me questioning whether I was ever really in love with my exes. The answer is most definitely yes. At the time, I was head over heels in each of them. At the time, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. In retrospect, I wonder how on earth it could have happened, but that doesn't change the fact that it did. This only leads me to feeling quite cynical about the whole love thing. If I can be so happy with someone, and a few short months later no longer want them in my life, then what's the point of all the emotional turmoil anyway? The interesting thing is that, as cynical as I may be, it doesn't stop me falling for someone all over again. It's funny how you can be so aware of the futility of a thing, and yet you do it anyway.

Happy New Year!

Okay, so I'm a few days late with the new year's greeting, but in my defense, I was away in the country, camping in the giant mudslide that was the Woodford Folk Festival, and only very recently returned to the land of cyberspace.

I'm quite unreasonably excited about 2008. I'm not usually a big New Year's person, but this year the change of year seems to come at a time of my life that is full of other changes as well - a real period of change and renewal. End of one job and possibly the beginning of another, end of one degree and the beginning of another, end of one relationship and the beginning of another... Thank goodness my friends are constant! For a little while, it looked like I also might be moving house, but thankfully I don't have to go through that malady for at least another six months. With 2008 being still fresh, young and new, I have a lot of faith that this is going to be an incredible year, and that in twelve months I'll be look back and be totally happy with how it has gone.

Woodford was AMAZING. Totally the best week of recent memory. Although that probably had a lot to do with MBF. I don't know quite how it happened, but wow. And I don't know if we are together or what, but for the moment I love whatever it is that we are. We're both really happy, and I love that I can just enjoy where we are at.

But aside from MBF, the festival was just so much fun! So much music, and food, and being perpetually surrounded by friends, and dancing til the wee hours in calf-deep mud... *sigh* What more could a girl ask for?

Aaagh, only two weeks and two days til med starts! And I'm still not really organised! I've got a doctor's appointment on Monday to sort out vaccinations, and need to buy new glasses, and work my way through a whole list of other things to get done. Whilst I'm definitely excited about starting, I also have to confess I'm dreading the end of holidays - the end of a wage which means I have cash to play with, the end of lots of time to spend with friends, the end of coming home and relaxing in the evenings without having to study to do. There are times where I become paranoid that I will have no friends and will be completely miserable. I can recognise that these thoughts are ridiculous, but the fact that I'm having ridiculous thoughts doesn't really make me feel any better about myself! I'm sure it will all be fine, but I'm resolved to making the most of these last two weeks of freedom regardless.