Power-Hungry

People who will do anything for power really make me angry. When I first started thinking about this, I thought this makes me a hypocrite, as I've climbed to the top (or at least close to it) of pretty much everything I've done since primary school. But when I started thinking about it more, I realised that it's not power that makes me do it. Hell, I've learned that I don't even LIKE having power. Once I have it, I really lose sight of what I should do with it. Rather, what I do like, is to be important, to be valued, to feel like I matter. Some people would say that they are the same thing, but I disagree, whilst I will concede that they are very closely linked. I mean, if you are the most important person in the world, odds are you're holding most of the power as well. I like to be involved in things in a meaningful way. This does not mean that I like having the ability to overturn the decisions of others simply because I am more powerful than them.

Anyway, that's rather beside the point. The point is, I hate watching people trample all over everyone around them to get ahead. I also hate seeing people who I've worked with and come to know and admire turn into paranoid raving lunatics who just can't stop obsessing over how to beat their (at times imaginary) opposition. This quest for prime position has to be the most unproductive and divisive force I've ever witnessed. The deception, the game-playing, the animosity is all such a painful thing to witness. And it really hurts people. I hope I never become a power-hungry maniac. I'd like to think I like people to much for that to happen to me.

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In other news, I walked home from work today instead of catching the bus in an attempt to pose as a healthy person - which is a total lie, by the way. Since the party Saturday, everything I have eaten has consisted of only meat and starch. Yes, that's right, I have become a true carnivore. Anyway, it didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would - only half an hour. This is great, as it means it's not so far as to discourage me from doing it every day! Who knows, I might even start walking TO work in the morning as well! Wow, maybe one day, I won't even be PRETENDING to be healthy anymore, I'll actually BE healthy!

Nah, who am I kidding? I'll probably give up in a week.