Out With The Old

I went into work today, to clean out my office and basically finish everything up that I didn't quite get to during the week. This time tomorrow it'll all be over, and I'll be taking a much more backseat role in student politics. It's been a pretty astounding year. I'm not quite ready to be all reflective "I learned so much through the trials and tribulations" yet, though. For now, I just want to breathe deeply, and be glad I've (almost) made it through.

* * *

I'll start my next job Tuesday. I'm just doing it for a month, to fill in time and earn some extra cash before starting med in January. Wow, earning a real wage, as opposed to the below-the-poverty-line-stipend I've been on all year! The money makes me wonder why I'm bothering with more study at all (and apparently gruelling study, at that) when I could just abandon uni forever now and be earning a very substantial wage in a position that is quite enjoyable. My first year out of med school, I will be earning the same money, for more than twice the hours worked. MBF reminds me, though, that ten years after grad that will probably have changed a lot, whereas ten years in office administration isn't going to yield much of a change in salary.

* * *

Had the most fantastic day yesterday! I had a smile on my face all morning just thinking about it. MBF drove us up to Woodford for a pre-festival orientation, and we reunited with more theatre kiddies we know from uni that we didn't realise were going to be at the festival. It's going to be such a fantastic party, with so many of our friends there. Once we'd driven back to the city, we hung out in his pool for a while, which was the perfect remedy for the mugginess hanging over our hometown for the time being. I haven't been swimming in AAAAAGES, so it was very refreshing. We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out, chatting, watching dvd's and just generally relaxing. And I got LOADS of sleep after it all! After the past few weeks of lying awake until 3am or thereabouts, to sleep easily was heavenly! I will never take sleep for granted again. The effect of yesterday has meant that today I feel wellrested and completely content. All in all, a very nice way to be!

Going With the Flow...

...is incredibly difficult when you're prone to overanalysis as I am. Part of me is desperate to really understand what's going on. But part of me thinks I really need to just let it go. I'm pretty tired of being the one in this who always asks the questions, who always checks if it's all okay, who always puts myself out there. It's hard; I'm scared of the answers, too. And unfortunately we are each master and mistress of the arts of deflection and evasion. So any questions I ask, all receive are answers that aren't really answers at all, and once that game begins, I'm playing it, too.

This can't go on forever.

One More Down

I got my First Aid Certificate yesterday, so one step closer to starting Med in Jan! I'm thinking of becoming a volunteer first aider with St John's, actually. It seems like a pretty cool way to improve my skills - if I'm a volunteer I'll get trained to use a defibrillator and oxygen equipment - and get some experience dealing with distressed people, as well as potentially getting to attend some cool gigs for free! There's also the possibility of volunteering in the emergency departments of a couple of hospitals, which could be extremely eye-opening.

* * *

I'm approaching the final days of my student political career. Thank god for that. It couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

People are confusing. I don't like it when people play games with me. Especially if I'm not entirely sure whether they're playing games or not. Why can't everyone just be frank and say what they really mean? Of course, I'm a total hypocrite, because it's not as if I haven't done my fair share of game-playing in the last few weeks. At least when I play, though, I understand the rules.

Theme Music for the Week: John Mayer's I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You. Although at times I'm not sure whether that should be from my perspective or someone else's.

Solitude

I'm not sure I'm really entirely okay with this being alone business. I mean, there are times where I quite enjoy it - it can be nice to just do what I feel like. I can read, watch movies, see friends, do whatever I feel like doing when I want to do it, instead of having the feeling that my time partly belongs to someone else. The freedom is a good thing.

But being free also means being alone. It means not having someone to watch movies with. It means not having someone to sleep next to. It means coming home to an empty house, an empty room.

I've spent lots of time in the last week and a half out with friends, so haven't really had all that much alone-time. I'm finding I'm not really enjoying my alone-time as much as I'd like to. I wish I was revelling in it, but I'm not. And it's making me face the realisation that, as much as I think of myself as a strong, independent person, when it comes down to it I'm about as needy and clingy as you can get.

Part of my problem is that I feel like there's a disconnect between my head and my emotions. At the moment, I'm living in my head-plane. Even though I haven't been to work for the last week, I've been relatively functional, doing things around the house and being very sociable. While it's sure given off the illusion to those around me that I'm doing pretty well and moving on fairly quickly, I can't help thinking that this isn't what it's meant to be like. Shouldn't I be really upset? Shouldn't I be spending the evening at home alone listening to tragic music and bawling my eyes out? I can't seem to bring myself to do it, yet I'm convinced that those feelings are down there inside me somewhere. I'm a little bit terrified of the moment they erupt. Because I am convinced it will happen at some point. But hey, maybe the melodramatic part of me is just disappointed that I haven't suffered some kind of nervous breakdown yet and is pushing for it to happen. I just want to stop thinking and feel. I want to know what I feel. At the moment I'm just confused because I feel like my mind, which is doing plenty of thinking, isn't getting the signals from my guts to tell me where the thinking should be going. I just want to feel.

* * *

In other (much more exciting) news, we have a change of government! Hooray for change! Hooray for the Australian public (partially) coming to their senses! I have to say partially, because I'm not particularly happy with the prospective Senate breakdown in my state. It leaves me somewhat in doubt of whether the general populace actually understands the point of the Upper House. Minor parties in the Senate is a good thing, people! *shakes head in frustration*

So It's What's On The Inside That Counts?

I went out the other night with some friends, and there were a few moments where I'd be left on my own. Invariably, during these moments, some guy would come and start chatting me up. Eventually, the question "So, what do you do at uni?" would arise. I didn't want to show off, so I'd start by saying I'd just finished a drama degree. But then they'd want to know what I was going to do now that I'd finish, so I'd fess up and say I was starting med in January. Woah, what a change that made! All of a sudden, no matter who the guy was, he'd become instantly completely uninterested. I mean, I was uninterested to begin with - not being a huge one for random anonymous hook-ups - but it was still pretty insulting! What's so unattractive about a woman being smart? Bastards.

It's over

The boy ended things for us last Friday, which was a hell of a shock, to say the least. He'd been away most of the week, spending time with his family as a relative died over the weekend. On Friday night he came home from work, and announced that he thought we should break up. That he just wasn't in love with me anymore. He said I'm still an amazing person, which is why he thinks it may have taken a while for him to figure it out, but that the feeling just isn't there.

I'm feeling such a range of things - still, and it happened almost a week ago. I guess this'll take some time to work through. Part of me feels a sense of relief, because it's certainly the right thing. I also feel guilt, because my feelings towards the boy are something I've been questioning for a little while, but he made the decision to tell me about it, whereas I denied it both to him and myself, telling myself we deserved another shot. It makes me wonder why I wasn't more honest in the first place, if it's so obviously the best thing. There's also obviously a degree of grief - even if neither of us really feel for each other anymore, there was a time when we were hopelessly in love. We certainly went through our fair share of heartache just to be together, and at the time it all felt worth it. I can't help questioning, Where did all of those feelings go? When did they leave? And why? Could we have averted all of this somehow? I think most of all, I'm scared. Scared of being alone, scared that I'll always be a selfish woman who puts career in front of everything else because part of me knows that no one can really love someone like that for the long-term.

I just want to spend all of my time with friends at the moment, but this is also becoming slightly complicated. Male best friend (MBF) is making things difficult. I know he has feeling for me, but over the last six months I've gotten so many conflicting messages on what those feelings are. I really don't want to see him, but have to because he's everywhere that my friends are. All of his complications are really not something I need right now.

Work is overwhelmingly complicated as well. I haven't been in for the last two days, and think I might blow off the rest of the week. Part of me can't believe that I could shirk my responsibilities like this - it's very uncharacteristic. But I've hated it for a long time. I never thouht I'd say it, but I actually regret taking the position at all. I just want to extricate myself from the place and never set foot in it again. There's only a few weeks left, but at this exact point in time I really can't even face that.

Theme Music for the Week: Rilo Kelley's Portions for Foxes. Pretty much sums up things with MBF

So Childish

I really wish people who are technically adults would behave as such. Being at work lately has been like being in some bad American movie set in a cliquey high school. It means I spend the VAST majority of my time running around trying to make people just get on with each other and do their job - which is NOT the most effective use of my time. It's really horrible being able to see what the source of all the problems are, and being pretty much unable to do anything about it. Damn you, IR laws. Of course, I actually totally support strong IR laws and protecting the rights of workers, but I now also have experience of how protecting those rights means that the employer can have difficulty rectifying a difficult situation that one employee creates, which impacts on other employees throughout the entire organisation. ***banging head against brick wall ***

I am also in a particularly bad mood because I have a popcorn hangover. Yes, you read right - a popcorn hangover. I went to the movies with the Moose last night (expanded Moose - there were about 20 of us), and hadn't eaten for about 8 hours by the time we got there. Knowing that dinner was at least another three hours away, I made what I thought at the time was the right choice, and ate a WHOLE lot of popcorn. Once you have a huge popcorn, it's impossible not to eat it! I just have to eat it because it's there! And then wash down with large quantities of frozen raspberry soft drink. I felt fine last night, but woke up this morning with an INCREDIBLE headache, which has stayed with me all day, no matter how much water I drink. Ugh, never eating popcorn again...

Ticking Off My List

Hooray! My faculty rang me yesterday to confirm that I am able to graduate this semester (which I knew already, but damn they were taking their time to approving me), so that's one thing ticked off my list of "Things To Do To Start Med in 2008." Or half-ticked, anyway - I haven't graduated yet, but it's all set up for next month. I've decided not to attend the ceremony. Graduation ceremonies at my university are the most stage-managed, farcical, make-you-feel-like-a-number-not-a-person charades. You have to sit where they tell you, stand when they tell you, sit when they tell you, move when they tell you. And when you walk across the stage to shake the Chancellor's hand and they give you your canister, guess what? THE CANISTER IS EMPTY!!! That's right, your degree isn't even in there. It's entirely for show. Somewhat of an allegory for the university itself...

There are quite a few things left on my list, and unfortunately they all involve spending money:
* Do First Aid course - $120
* Get vaccinations - not sure, but apparently a few hundred dollars
* Buy a longer-life battery for my laptop - $140
* Buy a lab coat - $20
* Get a stethoscope - about $100, but the parentals are covering this one as my Christmas present
* Buy a clinical examination textbook - $140

I just got my tax return, which was exciting, but it's pretty much all allocated now. I'm hoping that any other textbook needs can be fulfilled by the books I've got from undergrad and those that will be in my PBL room, otherwise it could end up being a rather expensive first semester.

Last Exam Ever!!! (In Undergrad....)

Yay, undergraduate degree finished! First undergraduate degree, that is, if you want to be technical about it and qualify Med as an undergrad rather than a graduate - yeah, I can be finnicky that way, too, so I understand. But whatever, finishing something is a fairly good feeling. It would be an even better feeling if the faculty would get their act together and organise my graduation already. I've been onto them for about a month regarding it now, and they still haven't finalised anything! Surely they have some kind of deadline for this kind of thing, right? And I don't think I need to stress, with Med starting in January, that I am QUITE KEEN to get it all sorted and just be damn graduated already! Oh well, the nice woman in the office today told me it should be sorted in a week. I sure hope so.

What is it lately with people just never getting back to me about things? I've applied to volunteer at a week-long festival this summer as a stage manager. Quite a few of my friends are going, including everyone from Spruce Moose, so it should be an awesome time. The spanner in the works is that the head of stage management has STILL not gotten back to any of us to confirm whether or not we actually have a position - and I've been waiting for two months! I would like to be able to plan my Christmas/New Year's (as would the boy, not to mention the parentals), but it is proving impossible without an idea of whether or not I'll be working at the festival. Oh well, guess I just need to keep chasing this woman...

October Round-Up

It's been a big month. A horrid three-week campaign, which astounded everyone. Althought not as much as the results. Our campaign went quite well, but could have been plenty more organised, and it would have been nice if everyone could have been as dedicated as they said they would be. There were definitely those that gave it their all, though, and that was amazing.

As mentioned above, the results were astounding. Campaign juggernaut [Labor team], who everyone seemed to half-assume would win, actually polled the worst out of the three teams actually competing. The worst BY FAR. Our primaries were double theirs - which on its own would have been cause for great celebration. The elation surrounding this, though, was severely dampened by the fact that we didn't win - [Liberal team] did. The Liberals have not controlled our campus for 13 years. So this really spells the end of an era. I disappeared into a hole for a few days, partly depressed about the results, partly desperate to restore the other parts of my life that have fallen apart due to dedicating my life to the campaign for the last few weeks. Now that I'm back to the world of the living, I'm quietly freaking out. I really feel for the staff, who actually have to work with them. I know the majority of them are scared, and I don't blame them. Things are probably going to change substantially.

In other news, I GOT INTO MED!!!!! It felt so good to get that letter. The boy organised a congratulatory surprise party for me, which was so sweet of him. I was pretty depressed that week, so it was just what I needed to snap out of it. I didn't have much time to think about it, because the letter came as the campaign was hitting its stride, but now that the campaign's over I've begun organising vaccinations and my First Aid Cert, as well as the most exciting part, getting my first real stethoscope! I'll start on January 21, which is amazingly close!

I've been neglecting the boy terribly. Now that I'm free from campaigning, I'm trying to be better. I hope things get better, but I'm scared. It feels like there's a bit of a barrier between us at the moment, and we need to break it. I miss how things were.

Musings

So, I'm thinking about getting a fringe. Hey, I know it's superficial, but pondering the trivialities keeps my mind of the trillion things I need to have done for yesterday. I'm missing a friend's 21st tonight because of those trillion things. When did my priorities get so screwed up? Oh yeah, that's right, I've ALWAYS been over-committed. Great.

The boy's away this weekend, and I find myself missing him an amount that seems largely disproportionate due to the fact he's only gone for four days. Sure, it means I've probably got more done, but it's a bit lonely going to bed by myself when I'm used to snuggling up to him every night. Well, he'll be back tomorrow, and I know I'll get big hugs then!

Offers for Griffith med have come out ALREADY! Ha ha, kind of has me thinking that if I don't get in this year, next year I'll apply for Griffith for the simple reason that it has the least agonising wait period. That's a fair enough reason to choose one reason over another, right? Our offers aren't meant to come out til December, but rumour has it that mid-November is really the time to wait for. I sure hope so!

Try Harder

Okay, so I have been a bad blogger. I barely ever update. I'm sorry! A few times over the last month I've sat down to blog, and thought a bit about what's been happening in my life, and realised that even though I'm really busy and there's lots going on, I can't really blog about it. I'm currenty in the middle of Union elections, coordinating a campaign, and while this is a huge and exciting task that someone should really blog about someday, I really can't do it. I know it's not exactly as though my blog has some huge following or anything, but elections stuff is really sensitive. And elections are a BIG deal. And student politicians get leaked info from EVERYWHERE. I really can't go giving things to people by posting stuff about our campaign on my blog. Other than that our team is going really well, we have an awesome group of people, and now that we're working on learning campaign skills and doing hand-on workshops, everyone is super-excited!

So I will just have to blog about the other things in my life - which is probably good, because it forces me to try harder to remember there ARE other things in my life! Like the boy - who is feeling very neglected of late. We have fought several times, even just in the last week, about how I never have time for him anymore. I tell him I'm sorry, and I actually do make a huge effort to make time for us to spend together. The main difference is that this year, we have to plan to any time we have together, whereas last year there was some freedom to be spontaneous. I've asked him please to wait for me - we've come so far together, and been through so much; it's only a few short months until my term in office is over, and then things will settle down somewhat.

I only hope that by saying this, I'm not lying unintentionally. I don't really know how busy next year will be (if I get into med school), and my free time is only going to become more limited as the years progress. I love him so much, I only hope he can understand. I will always do whatever I can to show him how much he means to me, and I hope this is enough.

We have spent some time together this weekend, which is good. I think he is feeling somewhat reassured now. I hope this lasts - the next month is going to be really tough.

The Interview

I had my interview for med school last week - thank god that's over!! I would have posted about it much sooner, but there is currently no internet access at our house, as we need a new router, so I've had to wait until I had a spare moment at work to write about it.

I spent the days leading up to the interview getting more and more anxious. I was haunted by the feeling that I really should be doing more to prepare, but WHAT? What more could I do? I'd thought about answers to all of the questions, had practiced over and over again, had chosen my outfit and thought about how to present myself on the day - but in the end, I can never actually re-create an interview at home, so no matter how much preparation I'd done, I still felt unprepared. I feel sorry for the boy; the poor thing had to put up with all of my stress! I'm very lucky to have someone so patient around.

I managed to work myself up into such a state as we arrived at the interview venue (the boy played chauffeur for the afternoon) that I would have honestly preferred to just sit in the car and cry rather than get out and knock the interviewers' socks off. But I took a few minutes to compose myself, and then headed into the waiting room. From that point, I calmed down immensely. I guess you could call it 'entering the zone' or something...

I was summoned to the interview room. There was one male and one female interviewer, both doctors. They didn't elaborate as to their area of specialisation. They started off by asking general questions about myself, such as what are my hobbies, when have I been in a leadership role, why do I want to be a doctor, etc, etc. They were quite cordial (I wouldn't go so far as to say 'friendly'), and I found it easy as the interview progressed to open up and answer their questions. By the time we reached the next section of the interview, I was feeling quite calm and confident.

The interviewers then read a short story to me, and asked me to summarise the story back to them, identifying the key issues. I also answered some further questions about the story. Piece of cake, bring it on! Then I was asked to explain a scientific term (virus) in layman's terms. Hmmm, this was a little more difficult. I took a moment to think, and then began a rather fumbly response. I think I rambled a lot on this one, but eventually got there in the end, and at least didn't say anything that was incorrect. Then I explained a social science term (autonomy) and did MUCH better - after giving a basic outline of what the term means, I used autonomy in the women's movement as an example. The female doctor clearly loved that, giving me a big smile and nod. This was the only time during the entire interview that I got any indication of how I was going.

After this came the debate. Oh dear. This was certainly NOT my strong point. The topic I debated was "That assisted reproductive technologies should be restricted to married heterosexual couples." Of course, I argued against this, stating that, "I think it's wrong to discriminate against homosexuals or any other queer people."

Oh. My. God. I just said the word queer. To the interviewers. Who are in their fifties (at least) and most likely quite conservative. I don't think they'll have the same understanding of the term as I do! Now I've blown it!

All I can say is, my confidence really suffered a battering at that point, and it all went downhill from there. I did my best, but I was certainly not strong at rebutting their arguments against me.

There were a few more general questions after that (what are your strengths? weaknesses? how will you support yourself while studying?), and while I think I answered them alright, I was worried that I'd already blown it.

The entire interview took about 40 minutes. I kept my cool as I left the building, and then got in the car and let out all of my stress and frustration with a great big cry! I can tell you, that sure felt good. As the days go by, I feel better and better about it - maybe I did make a mistake, but hopefully everyone is allowed a mistake or two? I also got an excellent GAMSAT score, so before the interview was in the top cohort of applicants. And I tried my best - there's no such thing as a perfect response, I did the best I could and if that's not good enough, I guess it's just not meant to be this year. But that won't stop me trying again next year!

So for now, no more worrying about what I could have or should have said - I'm just settling in for the long wait til December (I know! December?!) when offers come out...

We were raided!

Readers living in Oz may have seen on the news last night or read on the front page this morning that a major police operation, Taskforce Argos, raided a whole lot of homes yesterday for child porn. Including ours! I have to say, having five police officers tramping up the stairs of your home at 6am, declaring, "Police! This is a raid! Everyone to the lounge room!" is rather a rude awakening. The boy went downstairs to answer the doorbell, and had just pulled on boxer shorts and then was directed to sit in the lounge, so had to sit there shivering until he was allowed to get some more clothes. As I heard them yelling at him that they were the police, I thought, "Goddammit! I'm never sharing a house with people who do drugs ever again!" Little did I know what the warrant was really for... When an officer knocked on my bedroom door and told me to get up, I asked if I could put some clothes on first. He said okay, but then proceeded to stand there, watching and waiting for me to get out of bed. After several seconds of stare-off, I said, "I'm totally naked, can you close the door please?!" "Ooooooh," he responded, finally shutting the door and giving me some privacy. Pervert!

Once all housemates were in the lounge, they proceeded to tell us they were here because they had a warrant to search for child porn. We could NOT believe it - once we knew the allegations, things became extremely surreal. They took us off one at a time to scan through all of the images on our computers with their software. As they took people away, the rest of us would wait in the lounge, being babysat by the most junior officer. He turned out to be a nice enough guy, asking questions about what we study, and looking around and asking about the posters on our walls. We needed to be escorted to the bathroom, though - no wandering around the house or contacting anyone while they were doing the search. It turned out that they're software only worked on one of our computers, and they had to seize the rest of them (that's 6 computers) to be analysed at the forensics lab. They were here in the morning for about two and a half hours.

We all wandered around the house in a weird limbo, not quite knowing what to do for a while. It was such a strange feeling - they obviously couldn't have gotten a warrant to raid our house if they didn't have some fairly solid evidence. This then raised the scary realisation for each of us: Wow, maybe one of my housemates is going to be arrested this afternoon, for possessing child porn. There was nothing accusatory about the thought, and I'm quite sure that none of us ever got to wondering, "Oooooh, who could it be?", but it did raise interesting discussions around how well you ever really know someone, no matter how close you feel you are to them. Everyone has their little secrets, and jesus, if your secret is that you get off on kiddy porn, you're not exactly going to be spreading that around, are you?

The good news is, a few hours later the police brought all of our computers back, and told us that they had checked them and hadn't found anything. They did give us quite a stern warning, though, about ensuring our router is secure, and being careful as to what friends we let use our internet. It was a huge relief - hooray, none of my housemates are in jail! At least, not yet...

Go Team!

Despite my continual proclamations to anyone who will listen that my involvement in the student union will end at the completion of this year, I am finding myself getting worked up into a tizzy about the upcoming union elections. I can account for this new-found enthusiasm by the AMAZING fresh faces that have appeared, even over just the last couple of days, with lots of ideas and a passion for what we do that I probably haven't felt in a while. I love how seeing the bright eyes of the newbies can restore faith in the old and jaded!

It has also been fantastic to see some of the "old guard" coming back to help us out, sharing their incredible wealth of skills and experience. Wow... I guess next year that "old guard" will include me....

Baaa!

Yes, I am a sheep. I have joined Facebook, the greatest procrastination tool known to man (and woman). I feel particularly guilty of joining, as it was only THE DAY BEFORE I joined that one of my best friends and I were ranting in agreeance about how ridiculous it was that everyone is so Facebook obsessed, and how all of our other friends keep pressuring us to join. The argument has been that it's a great way to stay in touch, but S and I figured that anyone that I would want to be "friends" with over the Net, we already stay in touch with in real life. Who needs virtual friends when you can have real relationships? Also, most of my friends who are on Facebook have winded up being "Facebook-friends" with people they don't even like, just so they can check out their embarassing photos. I don't know if I want people being able to look at embarassing photos of me...

In my defence for joining, our team has a Facebook group, and I didn't want to be left out of team updates. It seems like a pretty feeble excuse, though, when one considers that I sent my WHOLE WEEKEND procrastinating on Facebook. Aaagh, and I had so much to do - an assignment due Thursday, prepare for interviews, shop for a new outfit, clean the house, the list goes on. It didn't particularly help that it was a grey weekend, which contributes to me sleeping late and makes me feel that it's totally ok to spend the whole weekend snuggled under a blankie. I wish I could ban myself from my computer, but considering I need it to both work and study, there's just no escaping!

* * *

The Australian media has been in an uproar as it has been revealed that Kevin Rudd, the leader of the Opposition, went to a strip club in New York four years ago. OH MY GOD, WHO CARES?!?!?!?! Everyone is talking about how it will wound his election chances. I personally can't believe how naive everyone must be if they really think he's the only politician in this country who's ever been to a strip joint. It's interesting that all of the criticism is coming from media commentators, whilst other pollies are remaining eerily silent, aside from those few who've stepped out in Kevin's defense. A bit worried what could come out of the closet if they comment, perhaps?

Sure, I wouldn't exactly be happy if the boy spent a drunken night at a strip bar with his mates, but at the same time I accept that it's something guys do (the boy has been to strip bars, before we met), and is really not that big of a deal. Surely there are more important criteria for judging the character of the leader of our country, than whether or not he likes to see boobs.

I got an interview!

At the university which was my first preference, which is very exciting! My interview is on September 12, which is SOON. This weekend I'm going shopping for possibly a whole interview outfit, at the very minimum an appropriate pair of shoe, as I have none currently.

I'm very excited, but really nervous now that it seems that bit more real. I have to try not to stress too much - just focus on being myself and being sincere; if I can do that, it should be fine.

Long time, no post...

So, I haven't posted in quite some time. Here's a quick round-up of what's happened to me in the past few weeks:

* I got sick - yes, again. It started off as laryngitis (a throat infection), but then quickly proceeded to an infection in every part of my head: gingitivitis (gum infection), otitis media (middle ear infection), sinusitis, various inflamed sores on my lips. It was disgusting.
* I studied hard for one week before becoming my usual slacker, skate-through-while-doing-minimal-amounts-of-study self - even though I'm still excited about learning...
* I spent a week succumbing to Potter-mania, actually spending money on purchasing the final book rather than waiting for six months to pass so I can get my hands on someone else's copy
* The political team that I've been a part of through the Union for the past few years split in half (for people familiar with the Australian political system, it's pretty much a university-based political party, which campaigns to try to win Union elections each year). This happened pretty much over the course of last week, and was a painful process, but it feels great now that it has been done. The main reasons behind the split is that half of the team was playing factional political games, prioritising national political interests over what is best for our student union, while the other half of the team wants to continue prioritising the students at our uni. (I'm with the team that thinks playing factional political games is NOT the reason I get paid a weekly wage.)
* I got sick - AGAIN!! Flu this time. Guess my immune system has gone on holiday this year.
* We had a mid-week public holiday, and the boy and I went to the beach - for about 20 minutes, before rushing back indoors to warmth! We have had beautiful, 25-degree days for the past fortnight, and on the one day we decide to take advantage of our very non-winteresque weather, the wind decides to pick up and the clouds roll in. Did someone just say Murphy's law? Oh, yeah, I think that was me...


So, that's the last few weeks in a nutshell. See, really didn't miss much, did you?

Having a nice new shiny team for the elections, which are coming up in two months, is very exciting! We are getting together this afternoon to talk about how this new team will work (everyone is united so far in getting rid of as much bureaucracy as possible) and figure out some things for elections. It's great to have lots of happy, inspired people who are going to make this the best team we've seen for a while!

In a cloud of smoke

One of the officebearers at work smokes in her office. Right next to my office. It is gross. Not that it matters that her office is right next to mine, really, because the smell of the cigarette smoke goes through the air conditioning system to permeat the entire third floor of our building. So EVERYBODY knows that someone is smoking inside. And everybody also knows exactly who it is, but that doesn't change anything.

Not only does it smell bad and give the organisation the appearance of being incredibly unprofessional to visitors, but smoking in any workplace where we live is illegal. So we could whop a great big fine. In the era of VSU, we really can't afford a fine for someone's selfishness and stupidity.

It's incredibly frustrating; if it was a staff member that was smoking (and if they persisted in smoking indoors after being informed that it is illegal and against organisational workplace health and safety practices), I would institute misconduct proceedings. When staff behave inappropriately, you can really do something about it. However, when OB's behave inappropriately, there's really not much you can do other than tell them that what they're doing is wrong and trying to guilt-trip/peer pressure them into changing. I think you can tell how successful that approach has been....

What upsets me more than any of the material consequences, like the office smelling bad or the potential fine, is the utter lack of respect for anyone else that this behaviour demonstrates. As I said, everyone knows that this person is smoking indoors, and it upsets people. People in the organisation have told her to her face that she should stop. And she just brushes everyone off and keeps on doing it. It's not as if there is nowhere for this person to smoke; there is a verandah on the top floor where all the smokers go that is a good, oh, say, twenty steps from her office door. But she can't be bothered, or thinks she is too important, to have to walk those twenty steps whenever she feels like a nicotine dose.

I'm anti-smoking regardless. But this issue isn't really about the smoking. It's about listening to the concerns of and respecting those around you. The ability to do this is something sorely lacking in this person.

Free Stuff!

I love free stuff! It is a cool perk of being involved in the Union, that you just so happen to be able to get hooked up with some cool free stuff every once in a while. Gig tickets (admittedly often for people you've never heard of), random cd's, movie passes, T-shirts - and yesterday, a free dress! Yep, at Market Day yesterday we were giving away free dresses! How cool is that? I love free!

We were giving away free jeans, as well, but I kind of didn't want to upset the karma fairy by taking too much free stuff, so I figure I'd just pick up a dress and leave the jeans for someone else. Anyway, chances are there wouldn't be any in my size - there were no dresses in my size, I was just lucky enough to find one that ties at the waist so it doesn't matter too much that it's too big for me.

* * *

Elections are fast-approaching, and work is becoming stress-central. Everyone is paranoid about everyone else pulling a politically dodgy trick at pre-selection (because that's what happened last year). It's quite depressing that we have to have all of this fighting and suspicion and intrigue within our own team, without even bringing the opposing teams into it. We need to pull it together, and fast. Because speaking of opposing teams, they are going to be putting out a big showing this year.

Our usual nemesis, the Liberal team, has been holding a number large BBQ's this week to recruit, and looks set to kick off their campaign in a couple of months with a big bang. Their numbers have been growing, which bothers me a lot. How did I end up going to uni at the university with the biggest Young Lib presence of any university in the country? They work hard to disguise themselves, too, to convince the voters that they aren't actually Liberals at all, that they aren't actually sexist, super-religious, crazy pro-lifers that want to dump all refugees on an island somewhere until they rot, but that they are actually cool, very average, trendy students just like everyone else, total mainstream people, while painting our team as power-hungry political crazies. Hey, I'm not gonna lie to you and say that there aren't power-hungry political crazies around, but as a team, we definitely have what I consider to be the better politics. For example, we aren't sexist, religion is not a tenet of our team in any way, we're pro-choice, and believe refugees have a right to be here. Anyway, the Libs will have a huge presence this year; how huge exacty remains to be seen.

There will be a new force around this year as well, in the form of the crazy socialists. Now, while there are some crazy people who are socialists on our team, the two kinds of crazy really do not belong in the same category. I mean, the former, dude, they are CRAAAAAZZZZZZYYYYYYY. They yell. All the time. With bullhorns. In a scary, intimidatory and harrassing manner. I have seen them reduce staff members to tears. We have had major complaints from them harrassing both staff and students. They are anti-Semitic, to the point that during the Israel-Lebanon conflict last year, they were yelling to Jewish students on campus that they were "baby-killers" and "had blood on their hands". Dude, whatever your political beliefs are, intimidating people and calling them babykiller is totally inappropriate in my book. So the fact that these people will be around scaring everyone during elections is going to make things, well.... interesting, to say the least.

It'll be a tough campaign. I just hope we have a strong enough team this year to pull it off.

Power-Hungry

People who will do anything for power really make me angry. When I first started thinking about this, I thought this makes me a hypocrite, as I've climbed to the top (or at least close to it) of pretty much everything I've done since primary school. But when I started thinking about it more, I realised that it's not power that makes me do it. Hell, I've learned that I don't even LIKE having power. Once I have it, I really lose sight of what I should do with it. Rather, what I do like, is to be important, to be valued, to feel like I matter. Some people would say that they are the same thing, but I disagree, whilst I will concede that they are very closely linked. I mean, if you are the most important person in the world, odds are you're holding most of the power as well. I like to be involved in things in a meaningful way. This does not mean that I like having the ability to overturn the decisions of others simply because I am more powerful than them.

Anyway, that's rather beside the point. The point is, I hate watching people trample all over everyone around them to get ahead. I also hate seeing people who I've worked with and come to know and admire turn into paranoid raving lunatics who just can't stop obsessing over how to beat their (at times imaginary) opposition. This quest for prime position has to be the most unproductive and divisive force I've ever witnessed. The deception, the game-playing, the animosity is all such a painful thing to witness. And it really hurts people. I hope I never become a power-hungry maniac. I'd like to think I like people to much for that to happen to me.

* * *

In other news, I walked home from work today instead of catching the bus in an attempt to pose as a healthy person - which is a total lie, by the way. Since the party Saturday, everything I have eaten has consisted of only meat and starch. Yes, that's right, I have become a true carnivore. Anyway, it didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would - only half an hour. This is great, as it means it's not so far as to discourage me from doing it every day! Who knows, I might even start walking TO work in the morning as well! Wow, maybe one day, I won't even be PRETENDING to be healthy anymore, I'll actually BE healthy!

Nah, who am I kidding? I'll probably give up in a week.

I guess sometimes the passive-agressive approach works..

There was a zucchini (or cucumber, it was difficult to tell from the stage of decay) rotting in our fridge. That's right, rotting. Half-liquid. In a process of prolonged imploson. Ewwww! The boy showed the zucchini to E, whose zucchini it was, rather expecting that once it had been drawn to her attention it would be removed. "Wow, that is gross!" E said, before proceeding to shut the fridge door and go to work.

A few days later, the zucchini was still there. So the boy decided to leave E a note:

Dear E,

It is obvious you don't want me anymore, but I have already forgiven you. Just please don't leave me here to rot slowly, I desire a quick death. Throw me out so that when I go into landfill my death can create new members of my own race. Don't let my death by in vain.

Yours sincerely,

Zuccichni (yeah, he kind of misspelt it, but hey...)

The note as placed strategically in the fridge. The next day, the zucchini was gone....

* * *

Tonight is the boy's 21st birthday party! It's also a joint 21st party with A, who we live with. I was expecting the atmosphere around the Spruce Moose (our house) to be one of frenzied organisation as we prepared for the night - this was what happened a few month's ago when we hosted H's 21st. However, it has been a really cruisy day - slept in, surfed the net, watched the boy play chess with some friends, chatted to the boy's dad. Hmm, feel like I should be really doing more, but doing nothing just feels too good.

I'm looking forward to tonight, though. It'll be fun to dance and drink and hang out with friends. A bunch of the boy's friends that I haven't met before will be there, and I'm excited to meet them, but quite nervous as well. Oh well, there'll be plenty of people, so if there's someone I don't hit it off with, it'll be easy to get away!

I'm so lame

We have more than two weeks left of holidays before it's time to go back to uni for second semester, and I'm already studying. Yes, studying. Sure, I'd like to just say I'm spending the night reading at home, but that would be misleading.... it implies that I'm doing the reading purely for fun, because I'm really interested in pharmacology and the mechanisms of drugs. Sorry if pharmacology is a hot topic for you, but so far it doesn't really float my boat. But I'm mildly anxious about taking a third-year subject involving pharm this semester, when I have done NO pharm EVER, so I feel like I really need to give myself some kind of basic grounding in it before starting the subject.

I really shouldn't stress too much - the other recommended prerequisite for this course is physiology, and I've done loads of that. So my mantra for the next few weeks will be, "Don't know any pharm but you know lots of physiol. Don't know any pharm, but you know lots of physiol. Don't know any pharm, but you know lots of physiol..." How long do I have to keep this up for before I start to feel better?

Sucker for Punishment

So I've been reading a lot of blogs by med students or young doctors lately, and I also just finished reading The House of God. What do the vast majority of them have in common? (Ok, maybe 'vast majority' is a slight exaggeration, I should probably say 'fair proportion'.) They tell their readers to RUN, RUN LIKE CRAZY AWAY FROM THIS PROFESSION AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!! And yes, they really are that emphatic. Which makes me wonder, after hearing about the terrible hours everyone works, the huge amount of debt I'll be in by the time I finish uni, the demeaning hierarchical system of the industry and the oh so wonderful times I'll have disimpacting people, why would I still want to do it? I don't mean the same reasons as those that have made me decide to give a medical career a shot in the first place, such as wanting to work with people every day, and the opportunity for continuing education the whole way through, but rather the reason why everyone's advice to do anything OTHER than medicine doesn't succeed in turning me off the whole idea. I think it must be the whole challenge of it - which sounds horrible, I know. I'd hate for anyone reading this to think that I want to be a doctor just because it's difficult and to prove to myself that I could do it, because that's not it at all! Hmm, this is all very convoluted, but what I mean to say is that, while the real reasons for me wanting to be a doctor are less superficial, the idea of it being a challenge doesn't turn me off at all, but just makes me more inclined to give it my all, as opposed to getting away with putting in a half-baked effort, the way I've managed for most of uni so far... And surely that's not a bad thing?

A New Perspective

I met the mother of a friend of mine on Saturday night, L, who lives in a very remote part of the Northern Territory with her husband. The husband is a doctor there, and L is a high school teacher. She was fascinating to talk to, and really gave a different perspective on the government's new measures to address the problems Indigenous people are facing. The federal government here has recently introduced measures, such as banning all pornography and alcohol, and increasing the police presence in the area, designed to improve conditions for Indigenous people, and supposedly to address the issue of alleged violence and abuse perpetrated against Indigenous children and infants by elders. L and her husband have been working out there for a long time, and are in the rather privileged position of being trusted members of the community. Apparently, women in these communities are often forbidden to speak against the actions of elders, either publicly or within the kinship groups. However, they do speak to L and her husband, as they are well-regarded and will keep everything confidential. The government's new policies have been hotly debated in the media, as being too heavy-handed, and certainly as coming too late. According to L, though, women in the area where she lives are secretly very happy with the new measures, although the media will never hear of this. It's such a complex issue, and we very rarely hear in the media how Indigenous people feel or what they think. Unfortunately most of the commentary comes from politicians or newspaper editors, who obviously will have a very different perspective.

L seemed to get quite excited when I told her I was hoping to be studying medicine next year. Her husband specialised in emergency medicine before going into rural practice. They take students from the U Syd program who are at the end of their 2nd year on an elective placement, and they spend four weeks there. Apparently they get quite a shock, which is hardly surprising! By the second half, though, she says they're right in there, side-by-side with her husband, making decisions and doing minor procedures. It all sounds very exciting! Maybe if I don't get in next year, I can just go and live with them for a while to volunteer or something? Hmmm, good contact to have, anyway.

On My Own

El presidente is away at a conference this week, so I'm heading up the union by myself for the week. Sounds exciting to some people, but in practice really all it means is I need to sign more things and approve more stuff. Uni holidays are on at the moment, so campus is quiet - personally I love it; no lining up for the ATM, no queueing for lunch, no having to navigate the crowds simply to go visit our business department which is in a different building. No people also means no income, though, which isn't exactly so great.

We had a meeting with the trade union reps that represent our staff on Friday. These are one of the more frustrating and time-wasting meetings that we have on a semi-regular basis. Now, I'm a huge supporter of collective bargaining and trade unionism - staff in workplaces that are unionised are consistently shown to have better pay, entitlements and work conditions. However, I think when union reps are representing staff in a workplace that already has excellent conditions, they don't exactly know what to do with themselves, so they find an endless list of petty, menial, trivial complaints to present to the executive, to make it appear to the staff that at least they are doing something, so staff should still be members. What a waste of a day.

6 or 7 weeks to go til I find out for sure whether or not I have an interview...

Blegghhh....

Ugh, so sick of being sick! I've had one of those ridiculous colds-that-just-won't-stop-hanging-around for about a week and half now, and am really FED UP with being congested and breathing through my mouth. More fresh fruit for aspirant....

There's so much work I should be doing, too, but can't be bothered doing when I feel like this. I've had the last two days off from work - it's kind of nice being the boss, no one can question whether you're really sick or not. On the other hand, no one's questioning whether you're really sick or not, so there's that temptation to just stay in bed everyday... I've brought work home with me, but just can't be bothered. All the work I can do at home is incredibly boring anyway: drafting reports, reviewing expenditure, reading other people's reports, blah, blah, blah. Why am I doing this job again? I'm the secretary of a student union, and while it's a great experience, I get so sick of the factionalism, and being 'chief bureaucrat' of the organisation is not exactly the most fun experience in the world. Oh well, halfway through my term, so only six months and counting - and elections in second semester are sure to keep me plenty busy, anyway, so hopefully the time will fly!

(Not Even My) Family Commitments

So I'll be spending the weekend down the coast at my boyfriend's grandfather's 90th birthday celebrations - sounds like fun, right? Yeah, maybe - except that it is meaning an influx of HUNDREDS of extended relatives from all around the country, and as my boyfriend and his immediate family are organising the whole thing, this all means LOTS OF STRESS! I've been asked to stage manage the actual event, and I've said yes even though I'm not too sure what this will involve. Hmm, we shall see.... The old guy is really cool, though - I've spent a bit of time with him before, and he's so interesting and genuine. He was the commodore of a yacht club a while back, so that is where the luncheon tomorrow will be.

Meanwhile, the wait for interview offers is driving me crazy! I don't know how I'm meant to survive the wait for the actual interview after this, and THEN the wait until I find out whether or not I'm actually in. Luckily, I got a good enough GAMSAT score that I'm virtually guaranteed an interview (the place I applied to only uses GPA as a barrier), but it doesn't really make the wait any more bearable. Guess I should start actually preparing instead of just dividing all of my time between being ridiculously excited about the possibility of getting in and freaking out about the possibility of not getting in.

It has begun...

So, after having been addicted to the blogs of med students and doctors for the past week or so due to my uncontainable excitement at the prospect of studying med next year, I've decided to actually create a blog of my own. And hey, maybe I might even have something interesting to say, even though I'm NOT a med student yet :P